Location: East Madison St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.8/5
Description: Happy New Years! I can already tell 2013 is going to be a great year!! In a stunning show of restraint Baltimore has gone a whole 17 hours before the first shooting of the year. I was going to ask for World Peace this new years but I guess someone else beat me to it!
Instead, I’m going to pick a very obtainable goal this year of shaming the heroin addicts of America into moving to Canada so those smug little bastards can stop gloating over their kick-ass economy, very well run healthcare system, and low gun violence rate. I figure one or two million good-old, American-made zombies stealing copper from live street lights and carrying around pickle jars full of their own feces* will put them in their place!
While I work hard towards bringing ruin to our woodsy neighbors to the north, I thought the new year would be a great time to share this picture of comradeship. Here you see two rivals joined by their lifelong dream of smack are able to put aside their differences and pass out on the sidewalk together in their fight against the evil winter cold which is trying to tear them apart from their white powdery mistress. For all my readers in Hollywood, throw in a soundtrack by Howard Shore (damn Canadian!) and you’re looking at Oscar material here.
Unfortunately, this display of brotherhood doesn’t get you very far on this blog. Sitting down and passing out just makes you a bitch and the pillow for a bitch (or simply “bitch-pillow” if brevity is your thing).
*in case you’re wondering, it’s a reference to my first post ever… since removed due to being gross.