Location: Fells Point, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.8/5
Description: Oh no! Judging from his haircut this man must have been ejected from a flaming Nascar just slightly out of scene! This is a tragedy for Baltimore media - less people with mullets mean that there are less people to post blatantly racist comments on basically every Baltimore Sun online article, therefore giving people everywhere one less way to find out that minorities are ruining modern society when checking the weather.

While this is a sad day for Baltimore, I don’t like to focus only on the negative. That is a pretty sweet half-nelson this guy landed in. I feel if he could feel pain at that moment he’d really appreciate it more.

Location: Light Street and Key Highway, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.5/5
Description: Two weeks ago this guy was finishing his cardiovascular surgery residency at Johns Hopkins when he decided to take the bus to work. That’s when Fanta convinced him he was taking his life entirely too seriously and in an attempt to lighten his approach on things he decided that recreational drug use was the right option.

Two weeks later he has yet to move from that bus stop, slipping in and out of an H soaked slumber. Yet another bright, gifted young man who traded a life of personal and financial success for the empty promises of a Fanta ad. More Fanta less serious indeed.

Location: Broadway, New York City, New York
Rating: 2.4/5
Description: I actually give this guy a lot of credit for attempting to give the illusion he’s just standing there leaning against the paper-stand. Nice try there David Copperfield, but you’re not fooling the battle-hardened pros in NYC with your “lazy Sunday” heroin lean. Not only did the submitter call you out, but it sounds like you also shared a moment:  

Check the pole he’s using as a seat. It’s not the cab. Ouch! Right after snapping this, as my friend was trying to get a better angle, the guy turned and looked dead at us as if he had some kind of zombie 6th sense.

Good show NYC, I took some points off for the obvious support, but added a few back on for this guy’s ability to shoot smack with the contents of my old one-bedroom studio on his back. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised by his super-human ability to rock the H while carrying 10X his weight, he does have a mustache. 

Just received a really nice email correcting a number of grammatical errors on my site. Since I don’t have a way to reply and say “Thanks” on Tumblr, thought I would just post a thank you. So thank you for all the free editing and positive encouragement.

I’m sure it’s obvious by now, but I was never a writer before being inspired by the ridiculousness of Baltimore’s heroin epidemic to put pen to paper. I’m thankful for all the readers who endure my shitty use of the English language and are still holding out until the posts are funnier than the grammatical errors. One day guys…. one day.

Location: Boston, MA
Rating: 3.8/5
Description: Honestly, who hasn’t wanted to shoot smack after spending a day shopping at The Children’s Place? The creepy posters of priest-bait on the walls, and the models with matching Bieber haircuts wearing pre-hipster graphic tees. This couple is just living out the fantasy of just about every parent out there, and for that my hats are off to you Boston. 

I’m also impressed by their ability to not only ride the subway while blasted on smack, but they stop for a paper and an iced coffee for the ride home as well. I swear, if you give this guy any more H you run the risk that he’ll start doing his taxes!

Great submission, but I did take a little more than a point off because even though these guys spent more than 20 minutes in the land of nod, they didn’t get their lean on like I would have hoped.

Location: Starbucks, Eutaw and Baltimore St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.2/5
Description: I can hear the conversation this couple had in their Howard County McMansion that morning:

“Honey, I was thinking that after I diversify my retirement portfolio and drop the kids off at gymnastics, you and I could drive into Lexington Market and shoot an eightball of this amazing east Baltimore scramble I’ve been reading about, and then maybe catch up on some reading at the local Starbucks?”

“That sounds great dear, just don’t forget we have a meeting with your tax accountant at six so bring a clean pair of underwear in case you poop yourself again.”

Maybe it wasn’t exactly like that, I mean their kid could be into karate or something, but you get my point. I can’t in good conscious give these two a high score, there is nothing hardcore about passing out in a Starbucks unless it’s from exhaustion after banging the barista in the bathroom. The submitter gave some extra details which kept the rating up there, but even their caption wrote these two off as Cadillac Crackheads:

…as we left she woke up and snorted something so inconspicuously from a coned napkin while her beau hunched away. High class addicts that spend money on their caffeine addiction and heroin at the same time.

Location: 51st St 6 Train Subway, Manhattan, New York
Rating: 4.4/5
Description: In New York, fashion is everything. Most people would see a Burberry scarf as an inconvenience when smacking out in a subway station, possibly useful to catch puke or pawn for more smack, but not a necessity as it is seen in the most fashion-conscious city in America. 

Unfortunately, due to the emphasis on fashion I feel that people of New York miss out on the finer subtleties of a good heroin lean. This woman has a solid lean going for her, but her uppity clothing actually decreases points for covering up track marks, blown out veins and other obvious indications that she’s on H and not just a bored housewife with her husband’s script pad.

Location: Catonsville, MD
Rating: 3.2/5
Description: Once again the submitter describes it better than I ever could: 

White flight into the suburbs continues - because it’s best to be blasted out of your mind in a decent school district.

Great pic! It reminds me that if I ever get sick of the noisy, crowded, heroin-addicted city I can always move out to the quieter, spacious, heroin-addicted suburbs. Probably not going to happen though, because I really enjoy walking to my amenities and from what I can tell from the Baltimore suburbs the only thing you can easily walk to is your dealer… 

Location: Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: I couldn’t give this guy a rating because he could just be doing an impersonation of Dane Cook’s career. Also, this was a weird tumblr inside a tumblr submission which is cool because it gives my blog an awesome Inception look, but unfortunately also doesn’t give me full confidence that this was really a dude taking a pic of someone blasted on H.

Otherwise a great submission, the placement is amazing given that the guy wasn’t dropped out of the car riddled with bullets like he would have been in Baltimore.

Location: Dundalk, MD
Rating: 2.8/5
Description: I’ve been saying this for years, Dundalk will be just fine after Sparrow’s Point shuts down. Case in point with this gentleman, who one of my readers found sleeping on her lawn. 

Sure, last year he was probably pulling down $50K at the cold mill, and now he’s homeless, but the people of Dundalk are more than happy to open their lawns to former mill workers in a show of solidarity. 

Also, Maryland and Baltimore County are pitching in to provide transition training, where this man can learn how to transition from a solid member of society working towards the progression of the American economy to his new life of constant struggle and destitution where he will learn to weigh the decision of whether his time is best spent on minimum wage or SSI. 

I really do like the way the county has handled this entire shutdown process and showed their commitment to the steel mill. I mean it took them almost an entire month before they started talking about razing the mill and redeveloping the waterfront property into condos!

Location: Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.7/5
Description: There’s something you don’t see every day… Boston Market! I could have sworn those all went out of business in the mid 90’s due to people realizing that there is absolutely no relation between New England and rotisserie chicken. In fact, when I think of New England cuisine the only food that comes to mind are giant insects pulled directly from the ocean, boiled with no seasoning at all and - if you’re lucky - dipped in butter. Boston, if you’re reading this, two words for you guys which will change your life: Old Bay.

The fact that it’s in the same plaza as a Radio Shack shows that Baltimore is, in fact, still firmly entrenched in the 80s. I’d be willing to bet that one could buy a slap bracelet in that York Rd strip-mall if they were so inclined…

The passed out guy on the street-corner is also firmly entrenched in the 80’s with his sweet Swatch and hot red pants. Points off for not wearing knee socks pulled up with the two bands at the top like all the cool kids.

I have to admit it’s a decent lean even though he’s seated. It reminds me of the yoga guy sketch with Will Farrell - this guy is so close!

Location: Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.6/5
Description: The caption I got with this is almost better than the picture… the exact caption I received read:

Don’t you remember doing “Cherry Pickers” as a warm up exercise in gym class? Around 5th grade? Obviously, 5th grade were the 4 hardest years of this person’s life.

I’m submitting this on behalf of a friend who doesn’t have the balls to submit it himself…. jackass.

Not only does the description of the leaner bring back fond memories of “flick-a-ball”, but anyone who describes their friends like that has a position waiting for them at TGOH anytime they’re ready.

This is a great pic, although I have admit, initially I thought this woman was just picking up some change to help pay for the other half of her dye job which she has on layaway.

Location: Canton, Baltimore, MD
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: This is a pic I received of a guy definitely not on heroin, but also a great way to visually describe why I haven’t been posting these last few days. 

I hope you also had fun this weekend celebrating the patron saint of public intoxication. My goal next year is to get a picture of myself in the inbox of TGOH!

Location: Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.7/5
Description: I posted this one today in response to the “White in Philly” article which describes racial tensions in the city of brotherly love. Apparently, Philly is losing a majority white population for the first time, and to celebrate the event Philadelphia Magazine decided to reiterate that absolutely ever race in Philly despises the other, and just in case that wasn’t clear enough, got quotes from people living in Philly to put that on the record.

I’m really happy for Philly for finally putting into words the reason I find Baltimore a much more enjoyable place to live. Sure we may be 104% poor, minority, uneducated, drug fiends, but at least we’re not stupid enough to get quoted by a local magazine about how we hate people of different races or creed.

Sure, we all hate morons who steal stuff, play with guns, sell drugs (except to our submissions!), etc, etc. Except in Baltimore we hate the person, not the race. I really hope this blog has taught you that it’s not one particular race which is littering the city with unsightly (but strangely awesome) heroin zombies, but rather a racially unifying desire to chase that blast to whatever bus stop or needle filled alley it may bring you.

This picture of an elderly man patiently waiting for the bus next to a passed out junkie shows that even though they may be worlds apart in both race and blood toxicity level, people in Baltimore are willing to come together and generally get along despite our differences on the outside.

Location: Charles St and 28th, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.1/5
Description: Honestly, the quality of our leans has been suffering ever since Medicaid started handing out scooters to every Tom, Dick or Harry who could junkie-shuffle their way onto SSI. I hate to perpetuate the “lazy guy on welfare” stereotype, but in this case it’s hard to argue against it when we’re not even making our junkies stand to get their lean on. 

This is Baltimore, I’ve seen people shooting up while driving automobiles or leaning while standing, eating an ice cream cone and waiting for the bus. Sure, we may not have worked in a decade or two, but my generation sure had to work for our high, and this is just an example of how this generation just doesn’t understand how much work their folks put into being unemployed and blasted on the street corner.

The only positive thing about this picture is that the submitter was able to send a two word caption which captures this image perfectly:

Hover-down. 

Location: E 14th st. Manhattan, New York City
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: OK New York, I get it that you’re new to this site and totally getting into the idea of taking pics of your heroin addicts and sending them in, but this guys is obviously a hunchback and not on heroin! Of course the two are not mutually exclusive, but I’m going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt seeing as how he was smart enough to use a counter-balance when grabbing his coffee.

I feel kind of strange about posting this one, but I promised to post everything sent in eventually. This blog is about exposing other cities to just how amazing your city’s drug users are and how bad-ass your residents are for defiantly living in inner-city, zombie-quarantined zones unfit for settlement by suburban America. Instead, this just comes off as plain old mean.

ONE YEAR(ish) ANNIVERSARY!

Readers:

Approximately one year ago I had a funny idea. I passed a guy like this in a location like this and realized later that night that passing H’d out fiends in Baltimore was such a common occurrence that we don’t take the time to appreciate it as we should. I decided to take a picture of the next leaner I saw and start a blog to share the mystifying magic of “the Lean”. 

Apparently, I’m not the only one who is fan of the lean, and 365 days and 180 posts later I’m still posting your pictures and having a blast writing up ratings and descriptions. The best part of my day is looking at the inbox on this site and seeing the hilarious submissions I get from you. I never thought I would make it a whole year and now I can’t imagine ever stopping.

Sure, I’ve had my share of haters but the response has been overwhelmingly positive. As long as the pictures keep coming and the leaners keep leaning I hope to entertain and enlighten for years to come.

My goal last year was to get the word out about the site and find readers, and with word of mouth advertising this site now has a following approaching that of the Baltimore Brew. I can’t thank every reader enough for spreading the word about this site and continuing to visit.

My goal this year is to help raise money for causes in Baltimore which are near and dear to this site. That may not sound like much of a challenge, but you can imagine approaching Healthcare for the Homeless and telling them you want to help with a fund drive when the name of your site is thatguysonheroin.com…

OK, I promise to not bore you with another serious post anytime soon. I just wanted to say thanks for making this a great first year!

TGOH

Location: Fells Point, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.3/5
Description: I took major points off of this one because I’m pretty sure this is a photo of a homeless guy engaged in auto-erotic asphyxiation and not a guy on heroin… Still, I can’t fault the guy for going double-clutch in the middle of such a beautiful historic district, looking at those waterfront 17th century homes puts me in the mood for a little choke-and-grope as well.

Location: 10th and H Street NE, Washington, DC
Rating: 2.7/5
Description: I’m posting this for a friend who told me today that all of his childhood friends who moved to DC send him all the Baltimore pics from this site to show him what a bad place Baltimore is. I see this blog doing exactly the opposite, but you’ll have to hear me out.

First off, this blog originated in Baltimore, not because DC is devoid of zombie smackheads, but because it took someone with creativity who gives a shit about their city.

I get a lot of submissions from Baltimore because people here are badass, and will walk up to a leaner and take a picture of them point blank. That gives us a commodity which is worth more than any chain clothing store on M Street… Balls.

Next time someone from DC tries to look down their nose at Baltimore, remind them cities aren’t rated on who has the better Potbelly’s. 

Location: Back River Neck Rd, Essex, MD
Rating: 4.4/5
Description: This one comes with a story which illustrates just how completely and utterly fucked the suburbs would be if the junkies only figured out that the bus lines don’t end at the city line:

I was picking up my niece from High School when we looked over and saw this beauty…we sat through the light once already when we decided to take the pic - we couldn’t believe she was in the same position, my sweet & sheltered mother kept insisting she just dropped something…for 8 minutes, until it dawned on us that she was doing the infamous, unmistakable, heroin-induced zombie lean and grabbed a pic!

This reader’s mom should write a thank you letter to the Housing Authority of Baltimore City for giving all of their tenants lead poisoning over the years so they can’t read the fine print on the housing voucher which says they can live anywhere in Maryland. If you can’t peg this woman as a junkie within 30 seconds of her coat rack impersonation you have no business living anywhere near these people.