Made in Baltimore
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Made in Baltimore
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Location: 200 N. Eutaw St, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: 200 N. Eutaw St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.2/5
Description: You have to ask yourself sometimes… where are the parents?! Letting this zombie nap face down in a plastic bag is only going to raise his chances of SIDS.
Remember kids, back is best.
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Technically Baltimore Article and Response
Technically Baltimore Article and Response:
The blog’s anonymous founder said that all the money raised from the sales of
In response to the recent update from “Back on My Feet” we here at TGOH would like to formally announce that no donations will go to BOMF and TGOH has absolutely no affiliation with the aforementioned non-profit (although we still do suggest that you donate to them this holiday season).
In light of non-profits apparently not wanting to accept the monies raised by the sale of our t-shirts we have instead shifted strategies and will be purchasing $1200 of the best fucking crystal-white heroin this side of the Mississippi and hand it out under the JFX wearing a Santa suit.
Either that or donate it anonymously to a charity without a stick up their ass. If you’re a member of such an organization email us and we’ll send you the check.
-TGOH
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Location: Pratt and Gay St, Baltimore,...
Location: Pratt and Gay St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.9/5
Description: This site has caused quite a controversy over the last few days, and I believe it’s because of the political views displayed in my submissions. I have some that lean right, some that lean left.
Well, this submission has his view as well, and I may not agree with what he represents, but he has a firm stance and I’m sure no matter what people in Baltimore say he’s sticking to it.
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Non-hate Mail!
We received this message from a reader last week and I think it sums up the site a lot better than I ever did:
…Back in my late teens and early 20’s I was a “zombie.” I have been clean for over 20 years and I can tell you this-
People don’t get their shit together when they are coddled, protected and enabled. People get their shit together when they hit their bottom. Part of that bottom can be if you become the butt of jokes and ridicule.
What your page does is actually help people by showing how stupid the Zombie life is. You will have 15 year old kids looking at these pictures and saying- man, those dudes look stupid. I ain’t doin’ any of the shit.
-M
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Location: Cold Spring and Montebello, Baltimore,...
Location: Cold Spring and Montebello, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.5/5
Caption: I didn’t realize they did sleeping studies at Morgan State
Description: I totally understand the baggy pants thing. It’s a way to show solidarity with your hommies in prison, much like toilet brewing, or impregnating a prison guard.
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Shirts are selling out!
Shirts are selling out!:
Shirts are selling out quickly! 2 Small, 6 Large, 1 XXL and a dozen Mediums remain! If you were thinking about buying one but were waiting there is no more time to wait.
We are NOT making more of this shirt, so if you want them for the holiday this is your last chance (unless you wear Extra Large in case you’re already too late…).
Good news is that we have exceeded expectations on sales and are looking into future merchandise options for next year. It’s all TBD, but we’d like the thank everyone for placing orders and hope you continue to support TGOH as we continue to make the Greatest City in America just a little more great.
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Location: Penn Station, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Penn Station, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.2/5
Description: The submitter explained the situation better than I can:
This is taken at the Saturday Penn Station market in downtown Baltimore.
This guy passed out right in the middle of the vendors stalls.
He was so perfectly in the middle that some old european tourist couple thought he was doing a street performance and asked me whether he was an artist when i was taking the picture. “yes, he’s Baltimore finest” i replied.
To make a perfect story even more perfect, he passed out with a light smoke in his mouth (pictured) and actually drew a crowd who wanted to see what would happen when the smoke all the way down.
I would have liked to film it but my gf was already on me about taking advantage of the guys poor situation. Anyway, the cigarette burnt down to his lip and he jumps up swatting at his face, and gets applause from the crowd that had formed around him. Only in Baltimore.
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Location: The Block, Baltimore St, Baltimore,...
Location: The Block, Baltimore St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.8/5
Description: In this dude’s defense he probably didn’t even mean to get high, he probably just absorbed all the heroin from the stripper sweat after his lunchtime lapdance at the Jewel Box.
And what’s with the shopping bag? How in the hell did a high-as-fuck jaunt down the red light district of Baltimore get this dude in the mood for shopping, let along buying enough shit to fill a garbage bag? Maybe he has a large extended family who he plans to surprise that night with an economy pack of vibrators, or finally made that last payment on the gimp suit he’s had on layaway since last Christmas.
Either way, this picture creeps me out more than most and that can mean only one thing… BONUS POINTS!
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Garfield couldn’t take the pressure of celebrity life and...
Garfield couldn’t take the pressure of celebrity life and turns to a life of drugs…
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Location: Near Lexington Market, Baltimore,...
Location: Near Lexington Market, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.8/5
Description: You know what’s wrong with the dude in this picture? Not a damn thing!
While you’re sitting at home trying to figure out what to watch on Netflixtonight, this dude is putting Baltimore on the map as not only the most badass city in America, but also as the best dressed leaner destination in the U.S. of fucking A.
Have a sweet pea-coat and loafer combo but can’t figure out how else to accessorize? How about 10cc’s of liquid give-a-fuck and two hours of leaning like a rock star.
Even though God left Baltimore in the 70s when the schools integrated, I still find reasons to thank him every now and then. The hardcore fashionista junkies in Baltimore are just one more of those reasons.
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Yearly Plug for Charity
Readers:
Even I understand that there are limitations on how much can be done with a snarky blog about the hilarious heroin addiction problem US cities. Sure, this blog is a great way to get a sneak peak at what your life would look like a year or two after you make the decision to start that opiate addiction you keep putting off, but it’s not really doing a lot for the people who are currently featured on it showing their amazing ability to keep vertical against the odds.
As you may well have guessed, a good number of these people on my blog would actually very much like to be able to stand completely vertical without passing out, but addiction is a bitch to break. Just ask Lindsey Lohan, and she’s not trying to do it on SSI. Thankfully, America has invented this thing called M-O-N-E-Y, which has allowed us to turn AIDS from a death sentence to an over-the-counter remedy in just under 30 years. With your help I’d like to get Baltimore to start taking our addiction seriously and treating the disease which ails us.
So, this Holiday season (sorry Jews, Hanukkah is over so I pretty much mean Christmas at this point) take a moment to give to one of the many local Baltimore addiction counseling groups. This group was suggested by my readers from suggestions on our Facebook page. Share this post, and lets see if we can’t make a difference in Baltimore and have one less person on my blog next year.
Thank you in advance, and I wish you happiest holidays.
Tuerk House:
Tuerk House transforms lives by providing help and hope for enduring recovery to individuals, families and communities in the Baltimore metropolitan area who are struggling with addiction to alcohol and/or drugs.
https://www.tuerkhouse.org/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=2
Helping Up Mission:
Helping Up Mission provides hope to the poor and homeless. We do this through programs designed to meet their individual physical, psychological, social and spiritual needs. The average homeless man we serve has survived two decades of substance abuse and years on the streets. He comes to us addicted, destitute, and dysfunctional — with no realistic capacity to recover on his own.
https://www.helpingupmission.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=440
Teen Challenge of Baltimore:
Our purpose is to provide adults and families with an effective and comprehensive Christian faith-based solution to life-controlling drug and alcohol problems in order for them to become productive members of society. By applying biblical principles, Teen Challenge endeavors to help people become mentally sound, emotionally balanced, socially adjusted, physically well, and spiritually alive. We have sent countless thousands of successful men and women back into their communities and workplaces, equipped to help others.
https://co.clickandpledge.com/sp/d1/default.aspx?wid=41560
Healthcare for the Homeless:
Health Care for the Homeless (HCH) works to prevent and end homelessness for vulnerable individuals and families by providing quality, integrated health care and promoting access to affordable housing and sustainable incomes through direct service, advocacy, and community engagement.
https://secure.qgiv.com/for/homelesshc/restriction/Special+Mothers+Day+gift/
Back on My Feet:
Back on My Feet (BoMF) is a national nonprofit organization that is dedicated to creating independence and self-sufficiency within the homeless and other underserved populations by first engaging them in running as a means to build confidence, strength and self-esteem.
http://www.active.com/donate/backonmyfeet
-TGOH
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Location: Raven’s Stadium, Baltimore,...
Location: Raven’s Stadium, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.1/5
Description: Probably needed something to calm his nerves for that last minute of the Steelers game (I’d say Detroit, but that was away).
What pisses me off about this more than anything is that it looks like this dude is tripping balls INSIDE THE STADIUM! I LOVE the Ravens, but in the 18 years they’ve been here have only coughed up the money to see them live a handful of times. Apparently I need to find daddy smack-bucks here and figure out how to diversify my investment portfolio to include swallowing condoms full of H and walking across the Mexican boarder.
Fuck this dude for using his ticket to one of the greatest sporting events we have to keep him out of the rain while he’s riding the snake.
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Twas the night before Christmas and throughout BaltimoreThis...
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout Baltimore
This dude was still looking for dope he could score.
As his children lay hungry in some foster home bed
he thought, “If I could score some white crystal I’d gladly give head.”
Then up ahead in the dim alley light
he spotted some hoppers making sales for the night
"Red Tops, and Cobain and WMD"
Said the 12 year-old boy with crooked gold teeth
It happened so fast as he reached for his gun
he realized he just straight jacked his own son
And we here at TGOH and beyond
Hope you and your families likewise will bond
Merry Christmas!
-TGOH
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I’m out until after the new year, but I wanted to thank you all one last time for reading and...
I’m out until after the new year, but I wanted to thank you all one last time for reading and supporting our site! This year we gave away over $900 to good causes, sold some awesome schwag, and had some fun doing it. Have a safe new year and we’ll see you in ‘14!
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Location: Baltimore Metro Station, Baltimore,...
Location: Baltimore Metro Station, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.2/5
Description: Pop Quiz! This is the one which separates the locals from the tourist:
Q: What’s the first thing people say whenever you bring up the Baltimore Metro?
A: “Wait…. Baltimore has a subway?!”
They usually listen up until you explain that it runs from Owings Mills to the Johns Hopkins Medical Center and after they realize it goes nowhere they would possible want to travel they go back to forgetting that it ever existed.
What those fools are missing out on is the amazing talent we keep hidden underground, like this dude doing a perfect hurdler’s stretch in an otherwise empty subway station. I’m pretty sure the only thing this dude jumped in the last five years is off the wagon, but he’s keeping plenty limber enough to turn that around any day now.
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Location: Saratoga and Calvert, Baltimore,...
Location: Saratoga and Calvert, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.0/5
Description: It’s been a slow start to the new year, but that’s mostly my fault for taking so damn long to get over the holiday hangover.
At this point I’m fairly certain that if you live in Baltimore long enough I’m going to at one point get a picture of you passed out on a “Greatest City in America” bench… After this holiday break I’m just waiting for a submission of me on a Baltimore bench surrounded by eggnog cartons and candy-cane infused vodka.
I really like this picture, and feel it’s an artistic piece. Unfortunately, this site prides itself on chronicling the hardcore pipe-hitting motherfuckers of this world and a dude passed out on a bus bench is like Disney does porn.
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Perfect 5
Perfect 5:
I received a perfect 5 from a reader in Philly, and after many minutes of attempting to download the video and place on Tumblr I just plain ol’ give up. If you’re in the mood for some feel good fun from Philly you’re going to have to swing on over to our Facebook page and say Hi.
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Location: Light Rail, Baltimore, MDRating: 2.6/5Description: I...
Location: Light Rail, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.6/5
Description: I would say this is what Canton is trying to keep out by attempting to stop the light rail from expanding into their neighborhood, except this dude is white…
I gave a few extra tenths of a point for the hipster flip-phone between this dude’s feet. Maybe it’s just because of Walter White, but there’s definitely something badass about using the modern day equivalent of a rotary phone.
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Fucking Baltimore, EVERYTHING closes on Sundays. (NOTE: Real...
Fucking Baltimore, EVERYTHING closes on Sundays.
(NOTE: Real sign in Station North)
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