Why is this not already a bumper sticker?!?!
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Why is this not already a bumper sticker?!?!
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Location: Baltimore Street, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Baltimore Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.1/5
Description: What’s more high than taking a shit in the middle of the street? PASSING OUT while taking a shit in the middle of the street!
This dude released the bombs while the back hatch was still tightly secured shut and he don’t give a fuck. That can only mean one thing… EXTRA POINTS!!
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Location: Fayette and Calvert, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Fayette and Calvert, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.0/5
Caption: Outside of Jury Duty.
Description: This wouldn’t be so troubling if this woman were a defendant and not in the jury pool… I guess we know where her $15 went that day!
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Location: Central and Fayette, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Central and Fayette, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.3/5
Caption: He stood there swaying long enough for me to spot him, circle the block and he waited for me to capture him in his swaying glory. Just swaying in the sunlight.
Description: Hard hats are for pussies! I’d say that Baltimore was the only city badass enough to allow junkies on our construction sites, but Philly gave us a run for the money last month with their crane operator (too soon?).
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Location: West Pratt and Green Street, Baltimore,...
Location: West Pratt and Green Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: This woman ain’t on heroin, she’s just HOT! It’s that kind of day in Baltimore and I wanted to give a shout out to all my bus riding friends who had to sit through this. Not only do our benches make us the greatest city in America, but our buses conveniently run 20-30 minutes late giving us plenty of time to heat our dinner in black plastic bags while we wait in 103 degree heat.
Fuck microwaves, I’m taking the bus!
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Location: Lexington and N. Charles Streets.Rating:...
Location: Lexington and N. Charles Streets.
Rating: 2.8/5
Description:
Once upon an evening query, while I scour web sites leery
Of losing my naivety clearly through content of erotic gore
While I type, nimbly tapping, I came across a phantom napping
with his head so gently slapping, slapping on the concrete floor
‘Tis just tired, I reflected, lying on the concrete floor
only this, and nothing more
Ah, distinctly I remember how his plumber crack did render
moments where my vision tender cried it should be used no more
Puzzled by his prostrate stance for hours locked with no advance
wildly my mind did dance, dance with yearning for repport
how come he to lie on the barren concrete floor?
Heroin hon, it’s Baltimore
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That Guy’s On Heroin: is the photo blog of apparent drug users cruel or pointed?
That Guy’s On Heroin: is the photo blog of apparent drug users cruel or pointed?:
The blog’s founder said it’s meant to
Yes, I am lame enough to post articles about my own page. BTW, can’t I be cruel AND pointed?
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Location: Light and Pratt St. Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Light and Pratt St. Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.4/5
Caption: Even with the heroin lean…. We can still dougie.
Description: Damn right we can. After a week away from Baltimore I noticed something strange. Every time you mention you live in Baltimore to any out-of-town yuppie you either get a look of complete horror or new-found respect and admiration.
At first it bothered me, because I love this city and think it’s strange NOT to want to live here, but now I’ve just started to go with it an play it up a little. When people ask me where I live I tell them Baltimore, but I’ve started ending it with “motherfucker!" That way they understand that not only am I a hard pipe-hitting mo-fo because I pay rent inside of a certain zip code, but also while I may be using a credit card to buy their merchandise at the moment, at any time I could just stab them and take what I want.
All I can say is, I’m glad to be back. At least here people KNOW I can stab them at any moment and have to common decency to put up plexiglass in the stores so I don’t have to contemplate that choice.
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INTERNSHIP RATING!! Location: Chestnut & 34th Street,...
INTERNSHIP RATING!!
Location: Chestnut & 34th Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.9/5
Description: Zombies in wheelchairs? These George A. Romero movie premises are getting weaker and weaker.
When I first wrote in about interning at TGOH, I was just a naive up-start blogger with big dreams. I thought I’d seen it all until this magnificent specimen from Hamden fell — or, rather, rolled — into my lap. And quite frankly, I don’t know where to begin.
After all, this isn’t That Androgynous Creature’s on Heroin, and I never took any courses on Smack Addict Husbandry, so I’m just not qualified to determine this person’s gender, and my conclusion, that this a woman, might be unreliable. Regardless, the average dope fiend isn’t so great with color coordination. Combine that with her dangling necklace and unmistakable lean, and it’s clear that we have a Damsel-no-longer-in-distress thanks to that sweet, sweet vein gravy.
But let’s not jump to conclusions, we might have gotten ahead of ourselves. Perhaps we’ve just stumbled upon a Hamden O.G. who, after a shootout left him tragically paralyzed, is learning to C.R.I.P walk again. Maybe the sight of lavish green grass and a white picket fence lulled our friend into peaceful slumber, mind swirling with images of The American Dream™…
Maybe the only veins that haven’t collapsed are behind her knee. Maybe she missed the bus.
The only thing that’s certain is I have to take points off for sitting down, despite the… unusual circumstances. I deducted an additional fraction of a point as well, because I’m pretty sure those legs work. Keep these azure-colored gems coming, Hamden!
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Location: Baltimore, MDRating: 2.2/5Description: It’s...
Location: Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.2/5
Description: It’s important that junkies get sufficient “tummy time" every day to strengthen their neck and upper back muscles. This guy is getting plenty of that since he’s been stuck like that for the last four hours…
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Location: Hampden, Baltimore, MDRating: 4.3/5Description: The...
Location: Hampden, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.3/5
Description: The brand new game that is sweeping Baltimore by storm!! Can You Find the Heroin Addict!
It’s easy to play! Just follow these three easy steps:
1. Live in Baltimore City
2. Walk the streets
3. There is no third step, the heroin addicts are EVERYWHERE!
Fun for all ages!
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*NOTE: This was sent in by a reader and other than assign a...
*NOTE: This was sent in by a reader and other than assign a rating I have not edited the content.*
This is a two-parter.
Location: Enoch Pratt Main Branch, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.2/5
Description: This scholar began his journey here. He has many skills to teach other zombies. First off, check out his lean. He is not touching anything! Including the keyboard he attempted to type on. I think he was just really thinking about subject he wanted to dive into first. This went on for a good 20 minutes. The lovely security there are not ones to interrupt learning and leaning.
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*NOTE: This was sent in by a reader and other than assign a...
*NOTE: This was sent in by a reader and other than assign a rating I have not edited the content.*
Location: About 10 steps away from where he first started.
Time: 1 hour later
Description: After successfully locating the bathroom for another boost, his thirst for knowledge continued. I saw him an hour later, waiting/leaning patiently to access the internet so he could continue his online degree in zombie studies. You can’t see it in the picture because of my poor photo skills, but he is yet again leaning all on his own! He is a master of lean.
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Location: President and Fayette, Baltimore,...
Location: President and Fayette, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.1/5
Description: If nothing else, our junkies are honest.
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Location: Ridgely’s Delight, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Ridgely’s Delight, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.6/5
Caption: This guy was hanging out trying to sit in his imaginary chair long enough for me to spot him and watch for 5 or 10 minutes, then go inside to shower, dress, eat breakfast, and then come back out and snap this picture.
Description: Ridgley’s Delight is now known as the birthplace of Babe Ruth, and this guy… the musical chairs all-star.
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Location: Conway and Howard, Baltimore, MDRating:...
Location: Conway and Howard, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.7/5
Caption: Went to go buy Orioles tickets and saw this walker. Classic lean, nothing real special, but still, classic lean.
Description: You know you’ve been watching too much “Game of Thrones” when you’re waiting for someone to lop off this guy’s head…
This is actually a great lean, the submitter really underplayed just how awesome it is. I gave it a lot of points for the good knee bend and the solid swaying, but I may have gone overboard since there is obvious hand support and it’s rather long distance. Oh well, I’ll allow the extra few tenths of a point and all the honor and glory which they entail.
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Location: North Ave and Maryland, Baltimore,...
Location: North Ave and Maryland, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.1/5
Description: As the Zebra’s natural habitat continues to be decimated by man, many of the species find themselves addicted to cheap narcotics and forced to live on Baltimore bus benches.
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Location: Corner of Eager and Charles St, Baltimore,...
Location: Corner of Eager and Charles St, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.7/5
Caption: His shoe crafting skills are impeccable.
Description: This submission is visual proof that the old adage stands true - “If you can’t duct it, fuck it!”
Fuck it this guy did. This DIY cobbler figured out a way to ingeniously take a $15 pair of clogs, add $25 worth of duct tape, and end up with a finished product which retails for an incredible $0.00! No doubt, it’s that kind of ingenious money management which landed this man, not just anywhere, but on the luxurious marbled stoops of one of Baltimore’s most prestigious neighborhoods.
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Location: Near Charles and Pratt Street. Baltimore,...
Location: Near Charles and Pratt Street. Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.6/5
Description: I’m using this as cover art for when my band releases our next album “Broken High Men” (say it fast…).
All I can say is that Mikhail Gorbachev has really fallen on some hard times since the whole communism thing didn’t work out.
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Location: University of Maryland Medical Center, Baltimore,...
Location: University of Maryland Medical Center, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.4/5
Caption: I love the baby bouncy seat in the background. But I love his pose even more.
Description: I usually blame heroin for getting people into these situations, but in this guy’s case the blame clearly falls on Will Smith. Not only has he not put out a good rap album since Big Willie Style but his movie The Pursuit of Happyness made it cool for fathers to sleep in subway stations with their annoyingly cute, and somehow perfectly groomed children.
That works fine in cities like New York or San Francisco with their competent transit systems and plethora of station options, but in Baltimore, where the population sees mass transit as a means for Sambo to ride into your neighborhood and rape your women, our pathetic single subway line is so inconveniently placed that even our bums have to camp out waiting for the next line to be built.
So fuck Will Smith for getting this guy’s hopes up about possibly one day camping out in a Red Line station. We all know that while the state assembly fucked us good last session raising the gas tax, the promised reach-around of using that money for public transit is about as good as my promise to pull out.
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