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Location: Pratt Street, Baltimore, MDRating:...

June 11, 2013, 6:46 pm
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Location: Pratt Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.4/5
Description: This three part Shakespearean tragedy of a man who rises to great power only to be undone by his own greed. 

When the submitter came upon our subject he was nothing more than a broken heroin addict, crying over his lost fortunes, but only a few hours earlier he was something much more… he was a broken heroin addict with an umbrella.

I took a few points off for sitting down, but I gave a lot back for the raw emotion this guy is showing for his fallen comrade. He makes you feel for him, this guy is like Robert De Niro in Deer Hunter only without all the Vietnam war and Russian Roulette parts… or the hunting part… or the wedding scene…

OK maybe this guy isn’t anything like that movie, but he’s one sad S.O.B. and for that I threw in a few extra points to make his day just that much better. 

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INTERNSHIP RATING! Location: Gay and Front Streets Rating: 4.7...

June 13, 2013, 7:16 pm
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INTERNSHIP RATING!

Location: Gay and Front Streets
Rating: 4.7  
Description: We should all be grateful to witness this photograph and to have been part of the inaugural Smack Yoga. I believe this pose is the “Oh look! … a ………….pen……………….ny Pose.” We nearly missed this Yoga Guru in his natural habitat because of his camouflage pants but if you look close you’ll see the deep knee bend that is necessary when you hear the Guru tell you to breeeeeeeathe.

The submitter admitted to a shortcoming. The photographer was unable to capture the lit cigarette between the gently curled fingers. While we here at TGOH appreciate honesty, points must be deducted for missing out on perfection. Additionally, the submitter admitting to missing one more key aspect in this otherwise excellent piece of work. (Really, submitter, you are the Jane Goodall of the Junkie Jungle, nice catch.) The location for this Modern Day Thinker? Outside of the Baltimore City Juvenile Justice Center. (“Baby Bookins” for short.) Had that glorious sign for the BCCJJC been included in this otherwise perfect post, it could have been used as a Motivational Poster to show the young men and women that are members of the Future Criminals of America Club what their Baltimore future holds. Alas, a closer inspection of the photograph reveals that he was no where near the front door, but outside of the large gate and secure door that Baltimore’s Finest used to bring their catch in and out of the Juvenile Bed and Breakfast.

Nice catch and Happy Hunting!

-Intern Steve

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Location: G and 7th, Washington, DCRating: 2.1/5Description: I...

June 16, 2013, 8:09 pm
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Location: G and 7th, Washington, DC
Rating: 2.1/5
Description: I was going to make this one an honorable mention but decided to be nice because this guy probably lived in the public housing project that this construction site used to be and that may be his new home. Last thing this dude needs is a bad rating on TGOH to make his life any harder.

I’ve been living in Baltimore for a damn long time and I have say I’m actually jealous of DC these days. No, it’s not their functioning economy or the mind boggling phenomenon where it’s OK to ask strangers what they do for a living immediately after a brief introduction in their bar scene (weird right?). 

No, I’m jealous of DC for their ability to develop huge swaths of the city into residences for lobbyist, legislators, and other welfare millionaires while the people who have lived on that plot of land for generations are pushed out to the county to spread the joy of “substance-enhanced" living into any community that accepts housing vouchers.

I have never heard of anyone being “pushed out" of Baltimore. I’ve heard of people being forcibly removed because they were in fact squatting in a vacant home with no running water and pooping in plastic bags, but never pushed out! DC, you are doing God’s work, exposing all these suburban families to the joys of that 3AM crackhead car-breakin, or the mid-morning cul-de-sac lean is just a way of saying “grow some balls" to the surrounding suburbs and I for one think it’s time Baltimore’s ‘burbs grew a pair as well!

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Location: Corner of Liberty and Baltimore Street, Baltimore,...

June 17, 2013, 7:28 pm
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Location: Corner of Liberty and Baltimore Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.6/5 
Caption: Since this person can’t stand up, I am hoping he/she/it can receive full credit for a lean, since this is the best they can do and in Baltimore, that’s all we ask of anyone. They are giving it 100%, really.
Description: Solid pic, and even better reasoning on why they deserve a good score. I couldn’t agree more, this woman has giving up 110% for that high. In case you’re wondering the extra 10% is use of her legs…

This picture reminds me of a junkie I met years ago when walking my dog. He showed me a festering wound on his shin which was covered in puss and asked me for $20 so he could go to the doctor. Horrified, I offered to drive him to the emergency room immediately  while frantically trying to explain the Hippocratic oath and how he could not be refused treatment. It wasn’t until probably the third or fourth time he insisted that $20 was the only answer to his problem that I realized the problem he was trying to fix wasn’t his maggot filled wound. I tossed him a couple bucks and walked home.

A month later I saw the same dude carting around in his brand new hover-round with one leg, still asking people for money for a new wound he probably self-inflicted and had no intention of going to a doctor to have treated.

That guy gave 110% for his blast, and I see that same grit and determination in this woman here. For that I proudly bestow on her the highest achievement in TGOH - A rating of 4 or higher! Using your legs doesn’t seem like such a big deal now, huh?

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INTERNSHIP RATING!  Location: Light and Pratt, Baltimore,...

June 18, 2013, 8:10 pm
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INTERNSHIP RATING! 

Location: Light and Pratt, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.0/5
Caption: so this gentleman just got off the bus with a friend, whom I didn’t get in the shot—the friend hadn’t made it into the full-on jackknife yet.  but what really made this a special post-christmas treat was that my mother-in-law was in the car with us, in town from St. Louis visiting for the holidays—imagine the rush of civic pride I felt!
Description: While it looks like this guy decided to either keep his Christmas bender going hard or start his New Year’s celebration a bit early with this wicked lean, points had to be taken off for Baltimore placing a trash bin in the way. It’s a shame, he could have gotten those points right back with a follow on photo showing this dude doubled over inside the bin searching for his next meal.

@krbarrow
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Location: North ave and Belair roadRating: 4.4/5Description:...

June 20, 2013, 7:30 pm
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Location: North ave and Belair road
Rating: 4.4/5
Description: Kids, this is what life was like before the Internet. I know some of you are too young to remember, but there was a time when you couldn’t just Google "where do I find the hardest fucking face-melting smack in Baltimore" and get a list of sites run out of Essex which map them all out.

Back in the Before Internet days, you had to advertise your products to shoppers who’s attention wasn’t divide by the porn in the other tab, and one of the best ways to show that you have a good product is to show happy customers. It’s good to see that some parts of Baltimore still have that old-time charm, and the guy running this corner has one hell of a product.

Honestly, regardless of the quality of product the sheer volume on this corner is impressive! if he had about two more customers he could apply for tax-free status as a religious institution, because there are a lot of people talking to God right now.

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Location: Between UMMC and the UMB School of Medicine, Westside,...

June 23, 2013, 8:05 pm
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Location: Between UMMC and the UMB School of Medicine, Westside, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.5/5
Caption: While riding that dragon this woman forgot how to properly ride a bench. 
Description: I know, I’ve caught a lot of flack from people for posting submission who, according to the complainant, aren’t even on heroin. I could totally see it in this one, my first reaction was “why did someone send me a video of someone practicing her skiing while waiting for a bus in downtown Baltimore in the middle of the summer?" I mean, the form is spot on and her concentration is amazing, but I’ll go along with the ruse and for the sake of argument rate this submission as though this intrepid skier is on this “heroin" I’ve heard about.

I gave extra points to this submission because it’s an obvious walk-by on the way to school/work. I can never seem to get my cell phone loaded up in time to capture these precious moments and so I have to give extra points for anyone who has the reflexes to not only spot a golden moment, but also be coherent enough to flip out the phone and press record.

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Location: San Telmo neighborhood, Buenos Aires,...

June 24, 2013, 7:43 pm
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Location: San Telmo neighborhood, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Rating: 2.3/5
Description: It’s good to see the cultural trade between the US and Argentina is as solid as ever. We import Argentinian wines and in exchange we export overdubbed reruns of “family matters"and expose our southern neighbors to the great American past-time of massive consumption of heroin.

Of course, not being from the culture I am more than a little weary of crowning this an American victory in the drug colonization of the world. The picture was taken from pretty far away and the out of place pile of dirt in the middle of the road makes me feel this could just as easily be a picture of the day-after from an other failed coup attempt.

Either way, Argentina has just been added to my list of placed to open TGOH field offices once I get over that small matter of not having an actual business. Keep it up guys and I might forgive you for electing Madonna as your first lady.

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Location: Light and Lombard, Baltimore, MDRating:...

June 26, 2013, 6:54 pm
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Location: Light and Lombard, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.7/5
Caption:Yesterday, this fella spent a solid minute thinking the window of the CVS at Light and Lombard downtown was actually its automatic door, continuously walking into it.
Description: Let’s be honest, I’m not going to make up a better story than what this guy was doing. Little did he know that CVS doesn’t have automatic doors…

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Not a heroin addict but worth posting. This tattoo will haunt my...

June 27, 2013, 7:18 pm
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Not a heroin addict but worth posting. This tattoo will haunt my dreams…

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Gone fishing for the weekend.

June 29, 2013, 3:53 am
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Location: Hopkins Plaza, Baltimore, MDRating:...

July 1, 2013, 6:32 pm
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Location: Hopkins Plaza, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.4/5
Description: Isn’t this every couple’s dream? Work hard so you can grow old together on the front porch watching the sunset. 

Sure, to you out-of-towners these two may not appear retirement age, but In smack-head terms these two are ancient. If you haven’t found Jesus by 30, either from a hot shot or rehab, you are straight OG in the junkie world.

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Location: State Employee Building, Baltimore,...

July 2, 2013, 5:11 pm
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Location: State Employee Building, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.7/5
Description: It seems every time I see someone with their shirt hiked up over their belly I think, “Damn, I wish I had stomach hair like that guy!"

This dude’s happy trail has turned from a small walking path to an eight lane expressway. Sadly, that’s not the creepiest part about this picture… The un-happy trail crawling up this guy’s back is making a sneak attack and looks like the momma spider in Arachnophobia posed for a kill.

My best guess is that an early childhood mix-up between heroin and Nair lead this dude down the long, hairy road he’s been riding called life. Unfortunately for Magilla Gorilla, this blog rates on leans and not how long you can stay in the water at the Polar-bear plunge. 

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Spread the love!

July 3, 2013, 4:29 am
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"4th of July: The one day in Baltimore you’re pretty damn sure it’s not gunshots."

July 4, 2013, 8:23 am
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“4th of July: The one day in Baltimore you’re pretty damn sure it’s not gunshots.”
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Location: Baltimore, MDRating: Honorable MentionDescription: I...

July 5, 2013, 7:43 pm
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Location: Baltimore, MD
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: I get these submissions all the time. I think people get my site confused with thatguyissleeping.com, which is similar but doesn’t provide the same kind of social commentary as a site about people high on smack.

Sweet closeup, but this dude is just tired bro.

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I don’t know about you, but I think this new slogan is...

July 5, 2013, 8:41 pm
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I don’t know about you, but I think this new slogan is kind of catchy…

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Location: Greenmount and Oliver, Baltimore, MDRating:...

July 8, 2013, 4:15 am
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Location: Greenmount and Oliver, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.9/5
Description: People often ask me what a perfect 5 looks like. Well, this is pretty much it, although I did take a tenth of a point off for not setting this lean to some hilarious music. If you check out my Facebook page I reposted this with some theme appropriate music which would make this a perfect 5.

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Location: Patapsco and Pratt, Baltimore, MDRating: Honorable...

July 9, 2013, 4:31 am
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Location: Patapsco and Pratt, Baltimore, MD
Rating: Honorable Mention
Description: Occupy Baltimore may have ended, but this lady decided to keep the movement alive! I love her activism, sticking it to the corporate machine right where it hurts - by shaming them on how damn much more she can drink than them!

CEOs all across the country took notice to Occupy Baltimore and just how much damn cheap liquor and hard drugs our citizens were able to do in the downtown district, effectively making the CEOs of multinational corporations look like the lame, prep-school educated pussies that they are. Impressive Baltimore! It’s activism like that which has kept this city from showing any signs of decline over the last 50 years!

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Location: Baltimore Behavioral Health, Baltimore,...

July 10, 2013, 7:05 pm
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Location: Baltimore Behavioral Health, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.1/5
Description: The tagline says it all. Seriously, I should have found quickmeme years ago…

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